Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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