Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
