is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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