he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
