I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
