dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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