I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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