his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
