the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
