I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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