I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
