Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will pee on everything he values.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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