Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
