The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
