if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
