I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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