I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
