if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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