remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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