no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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