I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
