he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
