life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
