her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
