dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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