Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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