woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need to calm my uterus...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
