we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Farmville is her only friend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
