I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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