It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
