I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
