dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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