Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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