if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
