I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
