I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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