Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
