god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
two words: eviction party
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
