She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
