I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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