I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
