saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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