Sry I called you an 8
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
