do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This toilet bowl is my home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
