Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
