i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
