So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I could fuck to npr.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
