Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's never too late to be topless.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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