If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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