cat food counts as protein by the way
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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