Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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