is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
