you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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