She is in my trunk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
