i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
